For those of you who know long-standing (or is that sitting?) #TeamTCUK athlete, John Lamb, you'll know his sense of humour so you'll know exactly what route this article will take. Big thanks to John for putting together a race report for Outlaw X and reminding us all why we should 'trust in the process'. Warning: graphic lower body content!

"Before I drone on about eventually getting a triathlon done this year, I need to rewind to this time last year.

Unable to run at all after completing Weymouth 70.3 last September and suffering chronic knee pain all through 2019 stop/starting with my running, I got a referral to occupational health at work with a view in my mind to getting an MRI scan then a fast track to surgery if needed. Come the day of the examination, cutting a long story short, I was told to never run again. 

The diagnosis being given by the (ahem) doctor, that my resting HR was 33bpm, doing the amount of cardio training I've done over the years has basically knacked my knees up! Absolutely gutted and fuming after the 'consultation’. I paid privately for an MRI scan (which isn't the be all and end all) and sought Matt’s advice. After talking to Matt and being reassured all wasn’t lost, I decided to start back on a training program on my birthday, 9th December. 

At first the running was almost non-existent. The warm-up and drills were longer than my actual runs! This carried on for a few months but slowly, slowly they got longer and pain free! So much so that I had to be reminded by Matt when I was pissed off with the average pace of a 10 miler I'd done of how far we'd actually come.

Come the end of February and I was chomping at the bit to get racing at Outlaw Nottingham…Then it went proper tits up for everyone. Home and working life during lockdown didn't really change for me apart from saddle sores from the turbo sessions. It was actually pretty good being able to talk during the turbo sessions on Zwift and discord. Good times, some weird conversations on occasion but we all #goronweit. So, thanks all and especially the coaching team during the summer of lockdown.

I felt I needed to start from the beginning to reassure everybody to ‘trust the process’. I was sceptical to begin with but stuck with it and managed to finally race in 2020! Cue Outlaw X: the worst I've ever felt during a race!!!!! Lol.

Come race week I was absolutely buzzing. I could not wait. I was fit, I was healthy. I rang Matt to tell him how fit and healthy I was a few days beforehand (tempted fate). I'd done the training. I'd never swum as much or as fast (for me). I had good sensations cycling and running. I'd recce'd the bike and run course. We'd spoken about the race plan. Relaxed swim. Easy on the bike. Build into the bike. Steady start on the run. Strong finish. Enjoy the race. Racing in 2020 is a bonus. 

Race day: Alarm set for 04.30. Wake up. Get up. Tummy feels a bit funny. Race nerves. Have a couple of clear outs in the hotel room before I leave. Hmmmm, seems a bit runny. Ah, its nerves.

Get to the venue, sort the bike out and transition area. Might just nip for a cheeky poo. 

Oh my god! That was horrendous! Hanging around T1 talking to a few other TCUK'ers hoping to see the pros start. "I'll have to catch you all later. Gotta nip to the loo."

Jesus Christ I hovered off the seat!!!! Still need to go. Four should be enough, surely?

Quick selfie from the Portaloo to Bogsey. He'll like that. Make his day.

Swim start, daren't fart.  Really enjoyed the swim.

T1. Nobody goes to toilet in T1. Be ok. Get on the bike. Right keep power down. Don't get silly. Remember the plan. Eat, drink. Waited for the first long downhill stretch. Stop pedalling. Lift off the seat slightly. Try not to piss on my water bottles. Job done. 

21 miles into the bike. Stomach starts making some funny noises. It’s OK. I'll be able to fart it off now.

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30 miles in on the bike, need another wee. A decent long stretch coming up. Aero tuck, slight lift off the saddle, relax aaaaaand pee. Holy f@#£ I nearly followed through! By this time, never mind trusting a fart, I couldn't trust a piss! Ok push on. Through Ranskill. Not far to T2 now. Funny stomach noises had now turned into contractions every 5 to 6 minutes. T2. Glad to see ya.

Bike racked, shoes on straight in the shithouse. The last time I had an episode like this was when I had food poisoning campylobacter. This run’s going to be interesting. Contractions had now dropped to every 2 to 3 minutes. First lap, mental note of where the toilets are. Halfway on the run, I could run no more! Apparently on my running metrics my run cadence goes from 172 spm to about 210 spm. This would be the point I was running from the knees down!

Fortunately, in the feed station there were some loos. It would have helped if I'd locked the door and the St. John's volunteer didn't open the door! Poor girl. Half-naked, I looked and smelt horrendous!

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Back out on the run the contractions were now back to a manageable 8/9 minutes. Happy days. Pretty uneventful for the latter stages of the run and managed to finish in around 5:23. Initially I was bitterly disappointed with the day/result, but it is what it is. I got to race which I didn't think was gonna be possible this year.

In a nutshell. Decent swim, 35 miles of cycling trying not to shit my pants and a whole 13.1 miles of the run trying not to shit my pants!

See you on a start line or Portaloo queue in 2021 somewhere hopefully…

A long winded account, I know but really felt the training process needed to be said as we came a long way and I can't thank Matt and the team enough for this year. 

Trust the process.

DON'T TRUST A FART!!!!!